tell your sister to shave her snatch
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
