Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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