Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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