we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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