Me. At least after what I've been through.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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