You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
