I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
