No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
