A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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