When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I could make wine with my vomit
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
