i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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