Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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