dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
