My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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