I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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