I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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