Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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