She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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