I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
