I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I understand Curling. That high.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
