You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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