I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
