birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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