You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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