It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
