We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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