the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize