I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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