Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i think my tv is drunk
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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