Screwed.edu
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
