so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Is Oprah even human
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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