Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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