I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
