i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
