Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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