i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
