i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
