The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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