I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
