i will never coherently bang her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
