Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
