did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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