my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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