Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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