i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
MIDGETS
????
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize