why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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