Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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