Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
