Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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