Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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