I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
