My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
