Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
