The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize