I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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