btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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