omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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