Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize