Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
