He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
