Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
