There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize