its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
